The geese mafia
Warning: Confidential information ahead!

It’s officially spring, UTM! With the budding flowers, the chirping birds, and the warmer weather, there descends a fearsome, dangerous cloud that will strike terror into the heart of any soulless student. You see, UTM often advertises the wildlife on campus, from the gentle deer to the plentiful squirrels, chipmunks, and birds. But there is one type of dreaded avian that takes over campus every spring, returning from their southern vacation: the geese. 

I’ve written about these hellish beings before but listen to me when I say that the geese are more than they seem. The UTM Canadian geese constitute a mafia family, one that won’t hesitate to take out a foolish student that entangles themselves with the happenings of this secret organization. You’ll see these dark-billed heathens often perching on the roof of IB, yelling profanities at the students hurrying by, or on the field outside Davis, planning their next scheme. 

No one knows what the UTM geese mafia really do, but rumour has it they secretly run all of UTM behind the scenes. They’ve allegedly got the principal locked up in Lislehurst, but don’t go looking for them lest you want to end up there too. Their biggest rivals are the squirrel clan and the pigeons from the downtown campus. It’s best you don’t try to talk to any of the geese or squirrels on campus since you don’t want to be perceived as taking a side. Though if you do accidentally speak to either side, stop immediately, walk away quickly, and start babbling about something science-y. No one, not even mafia geese or squirrels, like STEM subjects. 

I’ve taken great risk warning you, dear readers, and this may be my last entry. So if it is, thank you for reading my silly little pieces and letting me be my quirky self, as I keep my ear to the ground.

Until next ti- 

Aya Yafaoui

Columnist (Volume 48) — Aya likes to watch the world burn. In other words, she's a Political Science and Sociology double major in her fourth year. She writes the Ear To The Ground column this year, where she basically talks about UTM’s happenings and student life. She's worked at The Medium for three years now, starting off as a staff writer, levelling up to be Opinion Editor last year, and now she gets to be her quirky self through the column!

Comment

Your email address will not be published.