I have a question that addresses an unconventional move on a girl’s part. I have a friend and we have a lot of chemistry (he always keeps his eyes on me and says “hi” when we’re in groups), but I feel like our relationship has been stagnant. We don’t really talk much, but I would really love to get to know him more. As a girl, how do I ask a guy out? Or should I wait for him to ask me? Help!!!
Girl Who Wants To Shoot Her Shot
Dear Girl Who Wants To Shoot Her Shot,
DO IT! You should absolutely shoot your shot. Despite their (often faked) intimidating demeanours, men are shy. They’re also often blind, so taking matters into your own hands is a good choice. Men love it when you make the first move. It further inflates their already inflated egos.
However, don’t go into it with any expectations. There is always a chance that he doesn’t feel the same way as you (maybe he just has a lazy eye that’s always pointed in your direction), or maybe he has different intentions (you know the saying that men only want one thing) but starting a conversation means taking control of what is unknown.
I’m an advocate for having important conversations on boundaries, feelings, and intentions in person. I think looking into the other person’s eyes and hearing their tone will tell you a lot about how genuine they are and will also lead to the most honest answer. How they act could tell you that you might need to end things before they even start. However, some people see that as an ambush and prefer to have these conversations over text. No matter what you are most comfortable with, here are three things you should mention:
- I’ve felt some chemistry between us
- I like you and I would love to get to know you more on a date
- Do you feel the same way?
Preferably, you’d say this in a different way and not in listicle form, in case your boy-toy reads FLWL. Then, depending on the answer to the third point, you can either keep asking questions about his intentions or, if you’ve heard what you want to hear, play it cool and save it for the big date!
One last thing: don’t be scared of rejection. I’ve had my fair share of rejection as a woman who prefers to make my feelings towards someone clear to them as soon as they appear. Yes, it stings, but it also helps me value my time. Rejection is an opportunity to find the person you are most compatible with—or to gain confidence in who you are separate from others.
Can’t wait to hear how it goes!
Editor-in-Chief (Volume 48 & 49) | firstname.lastname@example.org — Liz is completing a double major in Chemistry and Art History. She previously served as Features Editor for Volume 47, and Editor-in-Chief for Volume 48. Liz is extremely excited to have spent her time as an undergrad at The Medium, and can’t wait to inspire others and be inspired in her final year at UTM. When she’s not studying, working, writing, or editing countless articles, you can find her singing Motown hits at her piano, going on long walks by the lake, or listening to music. You can connect with Liz on her website, Instagram, or LinkedIn.