Owning Your Sexual Health
Sabrina Baldini discusses taboo topics in sexual education, including owning your pleasure and porn literacy.

“The best sex tip I have for women is that your pleasure matters. Find sexual content that is the most appealing to you, block off time, consume that content and have fun,” Sabrina Baldini explained.

Sabrina Baldini is a sexual education coach and alumna of the University of Toronto Mississauga (UTM) who taught sex education for over ten years. She has dedicated her career to challenging outdated norms on sexual education and introducing alternative approaches that empower individuals to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships. In an interview with The Medium, Baldini shares how women can prioritize their sexual wellness.

Baldini’s interest in sex education began in the sixth grade when she was inspired by Sue Johanson’s Sunday Night Sex Show on Saturday Night Live. During her undergrad at UTM, Baldini enjoyed volunteering at the Sexual Education Centre, where she hosted presentations on consent, one-on-one counselling and learning activities on kinks and sex toys. 

When we asked Baldini if her work can be described as being a sex therapist, she said no. “Therapists are doctors and I can’t diagnose disorders or dysfunctions. I like to think of myself as a higher-level educator.” 

Porn literacy

Many of Baldini’s clients are men under 30, who come to her about their porn consumption, which shocked her at first. However, she later realized this comes from a lack of porn literacy, especially in Ontario.

“No one is talking to men about porn into adulthood,” Baldini explained. “Sexual education depends on the school board and teachers. Porn literacy is controversial. Some schools teach porn literacy [while] others only teach the basics of sex ed, and parents can pull their kids out of sex ed if they disagree with a topic.” 

Although sex education starts in high school, Baldini advocated for starting it earlier because children access porn from a young age. “Porn brings out different emotions in people,” Baldini said. “When I get clients who think they have an issue with porn, I recommend different kinds of content, and we do exercises.”

Sabrina also highlighted the importance of normalizing sex and viewing it as a part of human behaviour. Just like mental health and physical health, our sexual health is important. “You should be making time for sex in your head,” Sabrina explained. 

“There should be a time for you to read your smutty book or watch your dirty movie. But don’t ignore your desire for sex. You have to spend time with yourself. You need to take care of business.”

Professional advice on sexual practices

During our interview, Baldini also shared some tips on sexual practices. Baldini defines ‘good sex’ as sex with no labels or strict definitions. 

From her experience, Baldini observed that “the people with the healthiest sex lives are the ones that have a very flexible definition of sex.” When asked to define sex, according to Baldini, “people who have a narrow scope of sex, tend to struggle the most. Good sex is authentic and vulnerable… It’s an activity that you just have fun. It doesn’t have to start or end a certain way, it’s just what feels right for both of you.”

Baldini also talked about how you don’t need a partner to feel sexy. “I know it feels like you need to have a partner to be sexy and have a sex life, but you don’t,” Baldini shared. There is a common term in sex therapy called simmering which is finding ways to feel sexy without relying on someone else.

“Simmering is sex, just on the surface,” Baldini explained. It’s about loving yourself and wanting yourself without validation from others. “What does that mean to you,” Baldini asked. “Does that mean you’re wearing heels, your hair is down or you’re showing your shoulder? Does that mean you worked out in the morning or read your spicy novel? Whatever it is that gets you to simmer, that is the healthiest state you could be in. That’s healthy sexuality.”

Advice for women

In honour of Women’s Month, Baldini also expanded on how women can prioritize their sexual health and empower themselves during sex. Feminist, ethical erotica and porn are a few examples of ways for women to prioritize their sexual health. 

“There are great ethical porn companies that are created by women for women, and it’s especially important to highlight those female-led businesses during Women’s Month,” Baldini mentioned. “A lot of my female clients are really shocked to learn that there’s so much porn content created by women, but it’s everywhere!”

Some of Baldini’s favourite ethical porn websites include Make Love Not Porn, Bellesa and Erika Lust. She also shared Dipsea—which makes amazing spicy audiobooks, according to Baldini—and Quinn, an audio erotica app made by women. Baldini also emphasizes that these resources are also a safe and ethical way for men to explore sex, and understand themselves more. 

Final thoughts

At the end of the interview, Sabrina emphasized once again how important it is for men and women to make time to explore their sexual desires. “When I talk about exploring yourself, I’m talking about masturbation, and I’m talking about erotica. I’m talking about whatever makes you feel good,” Sabrina explained. 

“The truth about sex is that it isn’t a shame-based activity. It’s not one singular activity that happens in a place. It’s a vibe you have. It’s a willingness to learn and a willingness to unlearn. It’s a healthy part of the human experience. We socialize men and women differently, but sexual shame is something that gets everybody in the end. A lot of my male clients have sexual shame too. That’s why I say sex education isn’t about learning it’s about unlearning, unlearning everything you knew before. Nobody’s too old for that, you can unlearn all the time.”

For those who are interested in learning more about understanding your sexual health and desires, Baldini has a podcast titled After Sex Ed on Spotify and Apple where she regularly posts discussions about sexual education.