Sorry, I’m an Anti-Romantic
The top 10 awkward encounters sex-disinterested people face (and how to deal with them).
With my first year of university coming to an end and assignments piling up, romance is the last thing on my mind. Maybe that’s just me, though. Right now, I am not in the emotional or social space to start dating. So much of our understanding of maturity and initiation into adulthood is centered around the notion of dating. Dating itself also prompts sexual exploration. While this may be fair, it leaves sex-disinterested people like me out of the loop. Yet, my university experience so far has taught me that being by yourself is just as mature as being with a partner. Both take humility, courage, patience, and care.
Regardless, being a sex-disinterested person in these times comes with its share of awkward moments. Below is a (by no means exhaustive) list of such moments that I or people like me can (and probably will) experience.
- When they ask you, “do you have a boyfriend yet?”
There’s always an uncomfortable silence that’s sure to follow when relatives, neighbours, and friends ask about your relationship status. Even though I have gotten better at quick responses to the “I want grandchildren!” comments from my parents, I am just as quick to try and change the subject. Sometimes, people don’t even ask, but instead naturally assume that I’m dating someone, with which I can only reply with a half-hearted smile. Maybe one day I’ll find the courage to say, “I’m perfectly fine being by myself,” but for now I just say, “I’m focusing on my studies.”
- Being asked out (especially when you’re least expecting it)
I usually avoid giving hints that I’m interested in dating, so it did come as a surprise once when someone showed interest in me. It was even more awkward considering it happened when I was at work. Although I was temporarily flattered, I only offered to give him my social media account out of pressure, rather than reciprocated interest. To this day, I still feel bad about not having replied to his text later that day, but it was probably best not to give any more mixed signals.
- PDA
I usually pretend not to notice, but there’s always a slight pang of jealousy when I see people being lovey-dovey with another in public, whether it’s on V-day or another day at school. I can’t tell sometimes if I want something similar or just to get away from it. Even though I’ve gotten better at keeping a professional poker face at my cashier job, it’s still hard not to at least have an internal reaction to the couple purchases (*cough* condoms *cough*) people make.
- Being friends with people who are dating someone
At the moment, most of my friends in university are single like me, which makes it easier to talk and hang out with them. But by the end of high school, nearly every one of my close friends was dating someone, naturally pinning me as a third wheel. I never really knew how to react to their public displays of affection, or how to maintain our friendship while their relationships only strengthened, and I only grew more awkward around their significant other. Since it’s bound to happen that at least one of my current friends will start dating, the approach I will probably take in the future is to treat their partner as just another friend of mine.
- Trying to hang around guys when you always feel the pressure to be more than “friends”
For some reason, talking to guys has always been a struggle for me. I have an older brother and dad who I am close to, but the small chat doesn’t come as naturally with guys my age. It might just be that, due to the constant, unspoken pressure to date, I can’t help but see guys as potential romantic partners even if I don’t want to. Since I’m not in the head or heart space to date, I am more likely to avoid them than girls and always end up feeling bad for it. The only time I hang out with guys is if I know — or think — that they definitely aren’t interested in a girl like me.
- Having a crush on someone (but not because I was attracted to them)
The last crush I had before was on someone in the fourth grade, so it was a big surprise when I began crushing on a guy I hung out with in grade eleven. But it wasn’t really because I was physically attracted to him. I liked his personality, which was quiet and artsy like mine. I definitely was still awkward around him every time we ate lunch together or when we went to prom together, but when I was with him, nothing in my heart ever pushed me to make a move and try to make something more of our friendship. Maybe because I knew, deep down, we were so similar that it was best to just stick with myself.
- Being a YA romance writer in-the-making with no romantic experience
When I can experience romance from a safe distance, I’ll do it from a book, not a television screen, and if I do, I’ll take animation over live-action. I read a surprisingly large number of romance books for a romance-avoidant person, so it’s the first genre that comes naturally to me when I write stories of my own. However, a lot of the time, the page goes blank when I have to write the more intimate romance scenes that I can’t excel at without a novel reference, rather than my own life experience.
- Singing love songs (but not knowing who you’re singing them for)
I love to sing in talent shows and at karaoke, but there are many times where I’ve wondered who I’m even singing for. It might just be the way I respond to any hobby of mine that isn’t academically oriented, but I feel like I’m wasting my vocal chords if there’s nobody who makes La Vie En Rose for me. The same goes for dancing to K-pop songs, which often revolve around romantic feelings and require a balance of cuteness and flirtiness from dancers.
- Being a fangirl makes falling in love nearly impossible
As a hardcore K-pop stan for five years, I’ve seen so many jaw-dropping visuals I’m almost numbed to them. I still approach the music genre like I do in real life; I’ll listen to boy groups but not half as much as I listen to girl groups. Either way, when you’re constantly surrounded by such charming people on your social media feed, it’s hard to imagine anyone in reality could measure up.
- Giving relationship advice
It’s tough to give your opinion on something you don’t have any experience with, especially if you can’t relate to the romantic feelings someone you know has for someone who may or may not be a red flag. Even though I may not be romantically inclined, I am emotionally intelligent when it comes to friends or family members’ problems, so I usually treat the situation the same way. Regardless of the type of relationship, it’s easy to recognize when someone isn’t being treated as well as they should.
In a society that prioritizes romance and sexual relationships , I often feel out of place. If you’re like me — single and not ready to mingle — just know that that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re heartless or incapable of love — it might just mean your heart is so full it needs extra care and protection.
And if you never find your heart beating for someone that way, remember that there are so many other ways you can give pieces of yourself to others, whether between family members, friends, neighbours, and yourself. You are deserving of self-love and should never have to spare any less.
