In lieu of recent tragedies, the University of Toronto plans to create a safe environment on campus by moving suicides off the premises. Turning to the experts, the University has compiled a team of clinically depressed students and Urban Planning majors to assess building risks at UTM.
“That’s a good spot right there,” said team-lead Brian O’Keefe, pointing toward the east side of the IB Building. “That’s where I’ve been thinking of jumping.”
The Medium caught up with U of T President Meric Gertler to ask him about the university’s plan to prevent suicides on campus.
“If the issue is suicides on campus, then we want to do everything in our power to move those suicides off campus,” said Gertler. “If in the event a student does pass on campus, we will simply pronounce the death when they are off campus. Disneyland does it all the time.”
Although the University has kept raising tuition, incidental fees, and stress levels, U of T doesn’t take any responsibility for their impressive yet depressing mid-20th century brutalist architecture.
“If we really get to the root of why suicides happen on campus, I think it starts here,” said CCT major Kent Clark, pointing at a slow walker.