Friday, April 9, 2021

Satire

Students share how they are dealing with the self-quarantine

With classes cancelled and the UTM campus closed, UTM students are savoring their precious self-isolation time by taking the long stretches of terrifying uncertainty...

University to move the student experience online via Sims game

As the coronavirus pandemic continues to spread around the world, the University of Toronto has decided to cancel all in-person classes, labs, exams and events; as...

UTM Bookstore selling textbooks for a hair of the price

Students hoping to make a profit off their used textbooks can rejoice. Starting at the end of this semester, the UTM Bookstore will launch their new...

The Irish Society of UTM decries St. Paddy’s Day celebrations

With the cultural holiday of St. Patrick’s Day fast approaching, UTM’s pastiest peers are preparing themselves for the “ignorant” celebrations and seasonal claims of Irish ancestry. Finn McConnor, president...

Geese and UTMSU executives most aggressive pests on campus

With the UTMSU elections coming to a close, a popular footpath for UTM students is becoming dangerous. The intersecting pathways that converge in front of the Student Centre...

UTMSU election overwhelmed by voter turnout of 15

Fifteen of the UTMSU’s closest friends, family, and marital partners are expected to overwhelm the polls this coming week as the competition heats up between the...

UTM girl shocked to discover boyfriend was actually ugly

Jenny Spulunky’s outlook on life, like most young women, is based on the attention and validation she receives from men who barely shower and yell at...

Students finally achieve something over reading week

While reading week is a time meant for catching up on assigned readings, completing assignments, and studying for upcoming midterm exams, it is all too easy...

Largest UTM protest in history calls for the release of the...

Student protests are as traditional as the Friday Night pre-game, but while students can handle their alcohol, they can no longer handle the behaviour of the...

UTM’s most eligible bachelors share tips and tricks

While most people spend their undergrad trying desperately to secure their bachelor’s degree, their love lives are often left in ruins. While it’s important to focus...

UTM introduces new Centre for Student Engagements

In the digital age of dating, where your love life hinges on a single swipe or like, it can be hard to find the everlasting...

Corona Time at UTM

In the wake of Coronavirus’ spread across the globe, with a man and wife confirmed to be infected in Toronto, the UTM campus is gripped...

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