Independence isn’t what I thought it would be 
It’s not always pretty, but it’s real

Moving out for university feels exciting, until the homesickness and quiet nights hit. Here’s what living alone taught me about true independence. 

The Fantasy of Freedom 

It all sounds thrilling at first: the idea of moving away, starting fresh, and finally being independent. Maybe it’s because of all the movies we watched, showing people finding themselves in big cities? Or maybe it’s the dream of proving to yourself that you can make it on your own? 

But, when I actually moved away from my hometown to start university, I quickly realized that independence isn’t just about freedom: it’s about learning how to deal with loneliness, build self-discipline, and keeping yourself afloat when no one is there to remind you. This is the reality no one tells you about when you chase the dream of freedom. 

The Hardest Part of Living Away From Home 

I’ll never forget the day I found out I got into my dream university. The reaction from my parents wasn’t what I expected: they were proud, but quiet. I still remember the drive from Montreal to Toronto in our small family car, where my dad and boyfriend took turns behind the wheel. Watching my dad’s hair turn grey has made my heart feel heavy. I kept telling myself: I have to work really hard to make my parents proud. But little did I know that this mindset would quietly turn into pressure and a constant fear that if I didn’t succeed, I’d disappoint them, despite everything they’d sacrificed for me. 

Nights hit harder when you eat dinner alone without the familiar faces of your loved ones. I went from hearing my mom calling me for our family meal to now only being able to send photos of my food, hoping she’ll compliment my cooking through the phone. That’s when I realized how much I miss having food with my family and friends. 

In a new city, with new routines and new faces, you are forced to start from square one. But sometimes you just sit there, blankly staring at the wall, wondering if all of this is really worth it. I try to keep myself busy so that I don’t have time to think about it, but the harder I try, the more the pressure builds up. 

Learning to Live Alone in University 

As a girl living alone, I noticed how much I’d depended on my dad for small things. Heavy boxes, stuck jars, broken furniture; those were always his jobs. Now it’s just me, in a quiet apartment with four white walls staring back at me. Days pass slowly, but nights stretch even longer, and that’s when the silence starts to sink in. Making new friends hasn’t been easy. I know it takes time to adjust, but I can’t help missing my old friends when I see other girls laughing together on campus. 

Here, my routine feels lifeless: study, work, meal prep for the week, and repeat. When life gets hard or the workload piles up, there’s no one for me to lean on. I simply cry into my pillow at night, and wake up the next morning to put on a smile like everything’s fine. 

Even through the loneliness, I’m grateful for the people who remind me I’m not truly alone. My boyfriend has been one of them—always checking in, listening, and grounding me when things feel overwhelming. But long-distance isn’t easy, and that’s a story I’ll save for another day.  Over time, I realized that living away from home isn’t just about surviving, it’s about slowly building a version of comfort that belongs to you. 

Building a Home Away From Home 

Small things have started seeping into a routine that I created for myself: calling my parents every weekend, treating myself by finding new places to visit after long lectures, and learning how to celebrate the little wins, even if no one else sees them. These moments have become my quiet reminders that I was growing.

It’s still not easy. There are days when I miss home so much that even my mom’s scolding feels like a luxury. But, I’ve also learned that independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means learning to rely on yourself while still letting others in. Whether it’s joining a club, talking to a classmate after lecture, or saying “yes” to a spontaneous hangout, these small connections matter more than we think. 

What I Wish I Knew Before Moving Away 

I wish someone had told me that independence doesn’t begin with big milestones, but it starts with the little things. Like learning how to step out of your comfort zone to network with seniors. Or realizing that it’s totally fine to slowly get out of bed, eat something warm, and let yourself rest without guilt. 

I wish I knew that loneliness does not mean that you made the wrong choice. That the feeling of loneliness can mean that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone, and that’s supposed to feel uncomfortable at first. I wish I knew that it’s okay to cry when things get hard, and it’s okay to call home more than once a day. Growing up doesn’t mean cutting yourself off: it means learning how to balance love for your family with love for your future self. 

Most of all, I wish I knew that building a life on your own isn’t about being fearless. It’s about showing up—messy, tired, unsure—and still choosing to keep going anyway. Living away from home has taught me that freedom isn’t glamorous, it’s emotional and deeply personal. But it’s also the space where you grow the most. You begin to understand your limits, your habits, and the person you’re becoming. It’s not always pretty, but it’s real, and that’s what makes it worth it.