Here’s a tiny reminder of all the resolutions made this year that probably won’t last the first week of January. Take a deep breath, believe, and say to yourself, “I will…”

GO TO CLASS EVERY DAY

Despite the illnesses, the tests to study for, or general better things you have to do that day, you will put school first and ensure you’re in your seat for every class. You’re never going to skip lecture. Or tutorial. Ever. All the readings will be done, you’ll be on top of stuff, juggling your full course load with nary a peep. Okay there.

Not gonna lie, though. Considering you’re paying thousands of dollars to be here, going to class every day might not be a bad idea.

GIVE LESS TIME TO MY PHONE

Don’t think that phone companies don’t know we depend on our phones. We need them to ease our worried mothers with the knowledge that we made it from the front door to the driveway safely, to listen to music, to check the mundane Facebook statuses of that girl you hated in high school, and to do whatever else you pretend isn’t a vital part of your daily life.

Maybe you just meant class. You won’t use your phone in class. But if you’re in a class that bores your very soul, I bet every limb attached to me that you’d be on your phone. Don’t fight it. Just tweet about it.

BE AN ACTIVE CLUB MEMBER

If you haven’t been a part of a student club or association, you’re probably not going to join one. Why? Because university is the place where students skip class to study for that same class. There are too many things to stress over already without having to add something else to the list of procrastinations.

Besides, don’t kid yourself. The only reason you go to a club’s event is because they have free food.

EAT HEALTHIER

Really? On this campus? I’m relatively sure that switching a pepperoni slice to a vegetarian one doesn’t count as healthy eating. And those little sandwich wraps in the impossible-to-open plastic? If you can manage to rip it out of the packaging, those are probably your best bet. Booster Juice, I hear, is healthy, but there’s a principle involved for me that requires me to not spend $6 on a cup of juice I know is too big for me to finish.

Just follow Ms. Brown’s advice and bring a lunch from home.

WATCH MY MONEY CLOSER

An admirable goal for the couple who just found out they were having triplets.

But for a struggling student who will face nothing but crippling debt after the first step they take out of university, you’re only lying to yourself.

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No, you won’t.