After a breakup we can do some pretty irrational things. I went around campus last week and asked people their best tips about what NOT to do after a breakup. Mostly, people tended to agree on one thing: don’t make a fool of yourself trying to bring it back “just like that”. Here are a few tips that will hopefully help to keep your sanity and avoid future humiliation.
DON’T Become Desperate
The whole “they broke up with me out of the blue” speech is pure BS. Whether you noticed or not, chances are your ex saw the demise of your relationship well before you did. Being desperate will only make it worse; despite what you may think, desperation is never hot! Wipe the tears and snot off your face and walk away with some dignity!
DON’T “LOL” it off
Just because you can call, text, BBM, IM, and e-mail anyone at any time these days doesn’t mean you’ve got the green light to do it to your ex. Texting him or her to say “I was just thinking of you” will no longer be romantic or sweet—instead it’s stalker-esque. Do yourself a favour and avoid using your phone or computer when thoughts of your ex start bubbling over.
NO Computer Love
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the following: “I was reading their status on Facebook today and they said such-and-such. They’re so talking about me.” There’s a good chance that you’re off the mark or just paranoid. Reading too much into someone’s status will just make you crazy, and monitoring someone’s every move can not only be exhausting, but torturous. If they’re having a good day, you’ll feel slighted; if you feel they’re referencing you, you’ll gain false hope. Whichever way you spin it, it’s not good.
NO Breakup Sex
We all know there’s a window time after a breakup where sex with your ex is acceptable (cue the Ne -yo music). It’s only natural for you to still want to be physical with someone you’ve established a bond with; however, at some point, the loving becomes a really, really bad idea. I hate to tell to you, but your “long history” does not make you immune to booty-call status.
NO Social Stalking
“Oh my God, I didn’t know you were going to be here!” Lies!—you’ve been with your ex for two years and can recite their daily routine in your sleep. Now you’re surprised to find them at the bar they visit at Happy Hour? Awkward encounters with your ex aren’t cool, they’re just awkward. Plus, your ex won’t be nearly as excited to see you. To avoid looking crazy, try not to show up where you probably won’t be wanted or invited.
DON’T Friendly Fire
You can’t be friends with your ex if you’re still in love with them! Too many poor souls have tried to be a guy’s girl friend right after being his girlfriend or a girl’s boy friend right after being her boyfriend, but forcing yourself to see someone platonically when they still have your heart is a lost cause. You’re only setting yourself up for heartache when the reality hits that they doesn’t see you the same way anymore.
It’s best to get over the person completely before considering friendship with them.
For the people who choose to ignore my previous rule (because I know there will be plenty) and are determined to be friends with your ex, avoid asking them about their new dating/sex life. You do not want to know how many people they’ve slept with since you two broke up last month, let alone find out they’re seeing someone new. Trust me, it won’t stop at one question, and you definitely won’t like the answers. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
DON’T “Can We Talk?”
They haven’t answered your calls, texts, or e-mails, so you have this brilliant idea to surprise them at their place to talk. What are you thinking? If they don’t want to talk to you what makes you think they would want to see you? They’re avoiding you for a reason, so you should avoid making a fool of yourself.
It will most likely lead to a verbal blowup and having it all out again that they don’t want to be with you. Do you really want to hear that again?