Urinal etiquette


Dear Editor,

It’s nice to be free and loose. But not always. These days, I look back to an older time, when manners and etiquette ruled and everyone had a sense of politeness and courtesy. Sometimes it’s arbitrary and dumb. But sometimes it just makes things flow.

I’m talking about urinal etiquette. Ladies, please don’t swoon. You see, there was a time when every man knew his place, knew which order men were supposed to take the urinals in. He knew not to take a urinal right beside someone else, to wait if there wasn’t one available, and BY JOVE never to take a middle one under ANY circumstances. This was a noble tradition, a system of simple and elegant rules to prevent awkwardness. I mean, think about it. When else do you find yourself standing two feet away from another guy and you’re both gripping your naked junk for dear life? Eye contact can be withering.

But then they started putting in the walls between urinals. At first it seemed like a godsend. You never have to worry about any of the etiquette.  You’re in your own little box. It was perfect. But I realized something when I was in a non-wall washroom the other day. We have forgotten urinal etiquette. And man, was it awkward. This guy sidled right up next to me and was all up in my face.

So maybe it’s time to think about our technological advances and consider going back to an older, simpler time—a time when we knew our manners. Everywhere we went.

See you in the washroom!

Trev Wallard