Adequate Apple Crisp


Well, unfortunately, we’re lacking a professor or staff recipe this week. But no need to worry. I’ve consulted a culinary expert and guru of all things kitchen: my roommate.

So much for professors, university staff, or any real adults, for that matter. We all know students have a great reputation for their cooking skills. Right? Who can whip up a bowl of Kraft Dinner with such swiftness? Who can boil a kettle for Mr. Noodles with a single press of the button? Who would ever have the creativity to combine leftover Thai Express chicken pad thai and pepperoni pizza? It seems to me once we finally land so-called careers and “settle down”, we lose all our freedom and free spirit in the kitchen. Come 5 p.m., students never worry and say, “Oh no, what am I going to make for dinner tonight?” Even with an empty fridge. No, students just call up Pizza Pizza or craft some sort of concoction using the various condiments at the back of the refrigerator and microwavable popcorn.

My roommate, who shall remain anonymous in order to preserve some of her dignity, developed her apple crisp recipe below from her Nana’s infamous version, which even her mother doesn’t attempt to make given the high status it holds in the family. My roommate says that she often forgets the details of the recipe, but a quick Google search gives her some helpful inspiration. She admits that it may end up tasting like oatmeal with apples—cold oatmeal with apples, for that matter, if you take her advice to let it cool in order to try to obtain some sort of crispness. Hopefully you enjoy that. And if not, then be a boring grown-up and look up a real apple crisp recipe.

But where’s the fun in that?


Adequate Apple Crisp





  • 5 to 6 Macintosh apples (one of the worst apples to use for apple crisp)
  • 3/4 cup rolled oats or 2 packages of Quaker instant oatmeal apples and cinnamon
  • a shit-ton of cinnamon (because who doesn’t love cinnamon)
  • ½ cup sugar
  • flour?
  • salt?
  • ½ cup butter, melted


  1. Preheat oven to 375 F (190 C).

2.Take a pan—something with depth—and line it with tinfoil.

  1. Cut up the apples, choose whether you want to peel the apples—you’re your own person.
  2. In a bowl, combine the oats, cinnamon, sugar, flour and salt (if you choose), and butter until it clumps.
  3. Put the apples in the pan, dump the crumble mixture on top, and spread it out until no apples are showing.
  4. Bake until the apples are soft when speared.
  5. Check the crisp halfway through baking time and if it looks like it’s not crisping, pour some more melted butter or maple syrup on top. If none of it crisps, at least this addition will.
  6. Leave to cool completely—that will help to solidify it.